2025

It has been absolute ages since I have written a blog post here. So many untold stories. I have dipped in and out of birth spaces, in and out of time, in and out of work. Things have shifted for me.

My word this year, is open. It has been a strength, a lesson, a surrender. I have learned so much in my years as a birth worker, most vitally- how to open. To be in a birth space is to open yourself to others emotions, needs, fears, and story. To curate galleries is to open myself to memory and time and art. But this year has been less about being open for others, and more about being an open space myself.

It has been a heartbreak and a half, to find myself drifting not away from birth, but toawrds other things. I am not done with this work. But it is a season of time apart from it. What does that mean?

It means that I am still open to honor the birth stories that I am meant to be a part of. The last year I have mainly served repeat clients, which is a whole world of sacred trust in the birth journey. To serve in a space you already know, occupied by a birth mother who already knows you intimatly, is ethereal. It is unique and so magical, and it allows us to cut away moments of awkwardness or questioning. It allows us to be more open with one another and in our work. Me in mine, the mother in hers. The family in theirs.

I had the honor of serving too, with a midwife team this year, that I have served with before. The midwife honored me with kind words and all of us knew one another. It was one of the most rewarding birth's I have ever attended. It was a breech homebirth, which is also a miracle in itself. Not because of the so called "complication" that is breech, but just because of the rarity that all the items come together. A willing midwife. An advocating mother. A safe enviornment. A perfect team. It was truly beautiful.

I see the next few seasons echoing that. Births I attend because I know them, or they know me. Repeat clinets and best freinds. I also attended to a dear freind as she experinced a miscarriage this year. Sitting in her bed with her, while we talked about magic and love and death, opened something new in me.

I see myself serving in birth spaces like this. Spaces where I am needed because of who I am, not because of what I can do or what I can create.

But my world has been big this year. Birth has been a small part of it. Art has taken my hand and pulled me center stage. I have learned much about myself.

I have learned to open myself up to things I didn't have space for before. Things I wasn't allowed to be, or like, or want. I have found my place openly in the LGBTQIA+ community. I have made vital progress in freindships and relationships. I have navigated tender aching moments of parenthood and marriage. There has been greif. There has been life, but most of all, there has been art.

I have begun to paint again. To draw. To sketch. To pour. I have continued to write. I have found community within an art discord server who at this point feels like family. I have opened and opened and opened new doors.

Some of them with shaking hands.

I have been trying, to give myself space for that. To allow myself the time and space to exist in an open safe place where I am serving myself first for a while. Letting my hands create the magic in letters and lines and brushstrokes that tell my stories.

Some moments, I miss the busy work that was fully booked with births and sessions. And if you are wondering, yes, I am still taking clients. I am just doing so on a smaller scale. With less attention to emails and blog posts, and more attention to my heart and my art. When I do take on a birth, it has been amazing to be able to give them undivided attention and priority.

And all the time in between those birth spaces, is full and peaceful. Full of art and gaming and friendship and family. Im working through. I am moving forward. And I am sure I will circle back to this space again more fully one day. Looking back at all I have done here fills me with pride. Looking forward feels scary right now, But I am confident that there is still more left to do. To build. To honor and hold. Until then, I will continue to let my word of the year guide me. To let birth be a topic on my tongue wherever it is needed. And to serve in the spaces that I fall into with deep intention and purpose. For though I am not chasing clients, The universe has a way of placing me exactly where I am meant to be at any given moment.

Thank you dear readers for your continued support and energy. Please keep me in your heart, and reach out if you need me. I am most easily reached by text message these days. Stay true to your story and keep being amazing. You matter, your story matters, your birth team matters, and as always, I am holding space for you.

-CordeliaGrey Oriana Allen

p.s. if you would like to follow along with my art journey you can find me here

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@cordeliagrey.space

I will have a poetry book honoring my daughter Elsie, releasing in physical form soon, with much more to come. I post art videos and life videos almost daily on tiktok, and sometimes on instagram. I also run a gaming youtube page with my son despin. Despin and Grey Gaming is our title.

https://linktr.ee/CordeliaGrey