These last few years, have felt like one storm after another blowing into the cracks of our home. It has been cold, and tiring, patching them up again and again. There are moments, where it feels like Summer will never come again, like we might be stuck in this perpetual winter.
The tragedies I have personally been through, have been enough to make me wary of even hope itself. But then, I have moments like today.
Like the way a warm cup of tea feels in my hands.
Like getting to serve and honor space with a birth mother, who breaks all the rules of what should be, and becomes possibility herself.
Like the way my little boy kisses me and sings me a song to wake me up every single morning.
Like the way this tree, stood over the water inviting me, to be adventurous and brave. I live for moments like this. Especially in nature or birth, but any moment that calls me out of the masks I have built up around myself- and into my instincts, into my truth, into the fire that exists inside of each one of us. The water does this for me so often, but especially when it surprises me. I was driving home from a motherhood session, when I took a wrong turn and ended up on this beautiful expanse of lake.
There was no where to park, but it had been a warm summer day, and so I made my own parking space, and listened to the whispers growing increasingly louder in my soul. Calling me down, to walk by this water.
On the way to this tree that stretched over the lake, my feet tripped and carefully tiptoed over roots that were scattered for miles. I was reminded of the expanse of the forest, how connected it is where we can not see it- under the earth.
I remember using muscles I had not used in ages, to climb my way out on this limb, it was scattered with rock climbing pieces just for this purpose. I sat there, over the water, for so... so long. It was the most refreshing moment my soul had all year.
And this song, played on repeat. And it still does. It's the most beautiful reminder- that the roots of this earth are deeper then mine. God's roots are deeper than mine. Even the roots of my spirit, are deeper than the roots of my consciousness.
Sometimes, as a child who grew up constantly moving and changing schools- as an adult that flows like falling water from birth space to birth space, from city to city- and as a soul who has lost family in countless ways, I can feel quite rootless. It is in moments like this, that I rely on the roots of my spirit, of my ancestors, of the people who lived on this earth before me, who birthed before me, and, I'll proudly admit- on the ever expansive roots of the trees that I call friends.
If you have not heard this song, give it a listen! It's a wonderful anxiety aide, and a wonderful reminder. Not only for those who feel like I often do, that we are without roots, but for those with deep roots in any kind of fear or trauma or joy. Almost a sort of mantra, a song of hope and potential- your roots are deeper than mine.<3 It's not my energy that is the endless source, not my love, I don't have to rely alone on myself. I can draw from the trees, the flowers, from God, and from the beautiful souls living of this earth. <3